Romance Scams - Love or Lies? The Hidden Dangers of Romance Scams Revealed
What is a romance scam?
Scammers seek out people looking for love on dating sites or social media sites and strike up a conversation under the ruse that they are interested in a relationship with you. You start talking with the person and immediately sense a connection. Unfortunately, your newfound love lives too far away to meet in person and so you pursue the relationship through electronic means.
Scammers create fake profiles on dating sites and other apps. They also backstop their profiles with pictures and information about them that seems incredibly realistic. Gone are the days of scams being as obvious as the classic Nigerian Prince scam. These romance scammers are tugging at the heartstrings of people looking for love and exploiting individuals who might be recovering from heartbreak. Unfortunately, these are the victims most vulnerable to romance scams because they are often blinded by the connection and the “true love” they feel.
When you meet the person you are interested in (i.e. the scammer), they will immediately pursue a relationship to build trust and establish a deep connection. They will seem caring, genuine, and believable. There are two parts to a scam:
Phase I of the scam is to establish a relationship as quickly as possible
Phase II of the scam is to ask the victim for money
Phase I - Establish a relationship as quickly as possible
Once you meet on the dating app and establish a connection, the scammer will ask you to shift communication to social media or to email. They try not to stay on the dating site because if their account is flagged as fraud, it will be deleted. Thus, the scammer will move the conversation with the victim elsewhere.
During initial conversations, the scammer assesses the victim to see if he or she is a worthy target. A worthy target is someone who puts off the vibe that they are seriously looking for a relationship, do not want to be lonely, are overly trusting, open in conversation, and show interest. A not worthy target is someone skeptical of the conversation and more reserved in offering intimate life details. What victims typically see but decide to turn a blind eye to are the discrepancies in the information given by the scammer. Often, the details that the scammer provides on the dating site do not match the details the scammer is telling you. Scammers typically change their story to match yours to gain empathy and trust.
Once the scammer establishes that you are a worthy target, the conversations will also move to phone calls and video calls. Sometimes the scammer will have excuses why their video does not work and sometimes they will be on video but have a video clip of the person they are portraying to be, hoping you don’t notice that it is just a video. It will be evident that the lips of the person in the video do not match up with the conversation happening on the video.
Additionally, romance scammers use isolation techniques to ensure that your friends and family do not find out about your new love interest and try to warn you that you are talking to a scammer.
As the conversation progresses, the scammer inquires about your finances. The scammer also makes comments on his or her financial situation, and how finances are running low for whatever venture the scammer has going.
This entire Phase I process can take anywhere from a week to a few months.
Phase II - Ask the victim for money
After rapport is established, the scammer asks the victim for help. There are a plethora of reasons why a scammer might need money from the victim. Some examples are:
Emergencies - emergencies such as medical expenses, accidents, or urgent travel needs
Travel Expenses - The scammer claims they want to visit the victim but cannot due to lack of funds
Financial Hardship - Scammers portray themselves as facing financial difficulties
Gifts or Tokens of Affection - Scammers use the guise of affection or love to manipulate victims into sending expensive gifts to prove their commitment
Investment Opportunities - Scammers lure victims into investment opportunities claiming high returns
When in this position, more often than not, the victim ends up transferring the money. The scammer will continue to ask for more and more money as the days go by until the victim becomes suspicious. At that point, the scammer disappears… with all of your money.
Are all romance scams created equal?
Romance scams vary by scammers. A few examples of how romance scams can differ:
Targeting and Approach - Scammers target victims through various platforms (dating sites, social media, direct messaging)
Building Relationships - The length of time and investment in the relationship varies. Some scammers invest a lot of time to get to know the victim and create rapport, others can get the job done in a few days
Stories and Backgrounds - Scammers create elaborate backstories to make their personas believable. Some examples of common stories - working overseas, serving in the military, and working in professions that require frequent travel, which explains why they can never meet in person
Request for Money - The reason for money varies. One can ask for money for an emergency, to cover travel expenses
Emotional Manipulation - Emotions such as loneliness, longing for companionship, and trust will allow the scammer to manipulate the victim into sending money
Technology and Communication - Advances in technology allow scammers to use voice calls, video chats, and sophisticated messaging to maintain the illusion of a genuine relationship
Geographical Variation - Scams can vary by region or country. Scammers target specific cultural or societal norms to appear more plausible to victims in those regions
A romance scam aims to deceive victims into sending money or personal information to the scammer. In a romance scam, there are many different techniques a scammer can employ to meet the objectives. Thus, most scenario details will be different but have the same type of red flags.
How do I lose money in a romance scam?
In a romance scam, scammers start off very charming and almost instantly start telling you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to them. They often also say that they shut down their dating site profile so the relationship can become exclusive. It is easy to see these warning flags when you are an outsider looking in. However, when you find someone that you think you have a connection with, you look past the red flags. When the scammer tells you that the only way they will be able to see you is if you help them financially, you need to immediately cease communication. In a normal relationship, this would never happen and is not a normal request.
What are red flags in a romance scam?
There are several red flags to look out for with romance scams:
Secrecy - Scammers try to isolate you and tell you not to tell anyone about this new relationship. They worry that your friends and family might suggest that you are talking to a scammer
Loss and Grief - Scammers will make up their background to align more with yours to gain empathy
Working Overseas - Scammers claim that they are often working overseas, either serving in the military or doing another job abroad
Financial Interest - Scammers are interested in your finances because they need to ensure that you have funds you can transfer from the beginning
Demand for Money - Scammers will tell elaborate stories about how they desperately need money
Feelings - Quickly into the relationship, scammers will profess their love for you
Bullying - If you refuse to send money or begin to ask too many questions, scammers become aggressive and mean to you
The main thing to look for is a relationship that progresses way too quickly. If you have someone professing their love to you after a week, stop talking to them immediately. If someone is asking you for money and you do not know them, do not give them money.
What do I do if I get scammed?
Stop All Communication - Cease all contact with the scammer
Notify Your Bank or Financial Institution - Contact your bank or credit card company immediately if you provided financial information or made a payment to the scammer. Often financial institutions are unable to do anything, but it is worth a try to see if they can reverse any unauthorized charges
Report the Scam - Report the scam to the Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) operated by the FBI and the FTC at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. Ensure you notify the social networking site or app where you met the scammer
Document Everything - Gather all correspondence, emails, messages, and any other evidence related to the scam. This documentation is for you to keep track of exactly what happened and to provide to authorities
Monitor Your Accounts - Monitor your bank accounts, credit card statements, and any other financial accounts for any suspicious activity. Report any unauthorized transactions to your bank or financial institution immediately. You can also freeze your credit with major credit bureaus (ex. Equifax, Experian, TransUnion)
Protect Your Identity - If you provide personal information (e.g., Social Security number, driver's license information, etc), place a fraud alert or security freeze on your credit report to prevent identity theft. Leverage DeleteMe to remove your personal and private information
DeleteMe is a subscription service that removes personal and private information from the leading people search and data broker websites online. They submit opt-outs on behalf of you to have these websites take down your personal information that is on display for the public. Some of the worst sites out there include BeenVerified.com, Spokeo.com, and Intellius.com, from which all of your information can be scrubbed from by using the DeleteMe service
Educate Yourself - Learn from your experience to avoid falling victim to similar scams in the future. Continue to learn about scams and fraudulent activities through our blog, Instagram page, Facebook page, and other credible resources on romance scams.
Seek Support - Millions of people fall victim to these scams daily. If you are a victim, you must continue on but know that support is available
What is an example of a romance scam?
You meet someone on a dating site and transition to talking via messaging. Shortly into the relationship, the scammer begins to ask you lots of questions about your financial situation to understand if you are a worthy target worth pursuing. Most of these scams begin with the scammer assessing whether or not you have money to be stolen. If you do, the scammer will go into overdrive trying to win you over and establish a relationship. It is not normal for a relationship to progress so quickly and for someone to fall in love so expeditiously, especially without ever meeting in person. If it sounds too good to be true, it is too good to be true.
Where do I learn more about the different types of scams?
Follow us on Instagram and read our blog! We will bring you the most current content to educate you on scams and the evolving fraud threat landscape. Additionally, visit the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) and the Better Business Bureau (BBB) for some of the most reputable resources available to learn about the different types of scams and how to protect yourself from them.
Sign up on the Home page for a free guide on the 10 Largest and Most Notable Scams to be aware of in 2024! This simple guide will give you the tools needed to recognize the basic red flags of a scam in progress.
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